Sunrise

The storm has been weathered. The pain has been chewed up and spat out. My days have gotten easier and my attention has shifted into other parts yet in the same area. Completely unexpected and not fully understood just yet. Don't know if I'm the only person feeling the way I'm feeling or what, haha too timid to ask. Too soon to tell. So I'm gonna let time do it's thang.

Another Day

It's just another day. She wants nothing to do with me. What can I say to that? I guess nothing. She's gone too deep with dude...who's just a fake ass sucka all around...but if she wants to make that mistake I'm not gonna hold her. It's so hard because her being there as a friend to talk to on a daily basis really helped me out. Now as I have to deal cold turkey from this woman, I have to learn to be alone again. I have to surround myself with the people that love me the most. I can't do nothing about it but continue to better myself and my life. I'm never going to stop loving her. And if my first love, my world decides to come back...it will be another day.

Hope x Patience

Things have taken a slight turn. She says she still feels the same way, but I got a feeling that I need to keep fighting for what I want. I'm not saying it's gonna happen overnight, but I'm willing to put up a fight for Love. Patience is a virtue, time won't hurt you, it can only heal. But I hope she comes to her senses.

Breakdown

I think I've just reached that point. I have all these emotions put into one. I'm angered, heartbroken, lost, lonely, and disappointed in myself. I want to hate her cause I'm letting all my emotion out. But I still love her so much. And people are so fake acting like they'll be there for me and they'll congratulate her on leaving me. So fake. I honestly feel like my fucking walls are closing in on me. I feel so weak for feeling like this. And I pray to God asking for some help every night.

Song On Repeat

I didn't show up for class today. I can't just sit in class with her, knowing she's not mine. That she doesn't love me. The only thing constant is change. But how constant? It's been almost a month. The pain has settled in. Embedded in my heart and mind. I have had to endure this on a daily basis. And it just won't stop. I keep running back through the events that occurred. It's like a sad song on repeat. I can't erase the pain so I'm just trying to put it under my pillow. Sleep has been the only thing to take my mind off shit. But I still wake every hour, I'm used to just being able to call her whenever I want. Now she ignores my calls...I wish I never fucked up.

Dumb x Dumber x Dumberer

"I wish I could believe in all this crap, I really do. I also wish I could believe in the Easter Bunny, the missile shield and strippers with a heart of gold. Unfortunately I am condemned to see the world as it really is, and love, love is a myth. Love is magical comfort food for the weak and the uneducated." -Connor Mead

Words of a wise man. I've been waking up every morning thinking, "Hey its a new day. Maybe she's come to her senses, maybe she's had a change of heart." By the way she talks to me sometimes I fool myself into thinking that she might still love me. I think I've never been so foolish in my life. And I still love her.

And while your heart is intact, thriving and upbeat. My heart is severed, cold and beating low.

Salt Added

When I think my heart can't break anymore than it already has. More cracks split into what's left of it. It eats at me every moment. Never seeming to ease up on me. & what kills me the most...she doesn't care. She can move on happily with this nigga leaving everything we have behind. I have all my classes with her. As I sit next to her my heart drops endlessly. I feel no desire to carry on with anything. I can't sleep or barely crack a smile. "Can you just leave me alone dude. Get out my business I don't need this right now." How can she get over me like I'm nothing...I've never been so sure of what I want. I would sacrifice anything for a last chance. I can't get myself together. I just want my baby back.