Breakdown

I think I've just reached that point. I have all these emotions put into one. I'm angered, heartbroken, lost, lonely, and disappointed in myself. I want to hate her cause I'm letting all my emotion out. But I still love her so much. And people are so fake acting like they'll be there for me and they'll congratulate her on leaving me. So fake. I honestly feel like my fucking walls are closing in on me. I feel so weak for feeling like this. And I pray to God asking for some help every night.

Song On Repeat

I didn't show up for class today. I can't just sit in class with her, knowing she's not mine. That she doesn't love me. The only thing constant is change. But how constant? It's been almost a month. The pain has settled in. Embedded in my heart and mind. I have had to endure this on a daily basis. And it just won't stop. I keep running back through the events that occurred. It's like a sad song on repeat. I can't erase the pain so I'm just trying to put it under my pillow. Sleep has been the only thing to take my mind off shit. But I still wake every hour, I'm used to just being able to call her whenever I want. Now she ignores my calls...I wish I never fucked up.

Dumb x Dumber x Dumberer

"I wish I could believe in all this crap, I really do. I also wish I could believe in the Easter Bunny, the missile shield and strippers with a heart of gold. Unfortunately I am condemned to see the world as it really is, and love, love is a myth. Love is magical comfort food for the weak and the uneducated." -Connor Mead

Words of a wise man. I've been waking up every morning thinking, "Hey its a new day. Maybe she's come to her senses, maybe she's had a change of heart." By the way she talks to me sometimes I fool myself into thinking that she might still love me. I think I've never been so foolish in my life. And I still love her.

And while your heart is intact, thriving and upbeat. My heart is severed, cold and beating low.

Salt Added

When I think my heart can't break anymore than it already has. More cracks split into what's left of it. It eats at me every moment. Never seeming to ease up on me. & what kills me the most...she doesn't care. She can move on happily with this nigga leaving everything we have behind. I have all my classes with her. As I sit next to her my heart drops endlessly. I feel no desire to carry on with anything. I can't sleep or barely crack a smile. "Can you just leave me alone dude. Get out my business I don't need this right now." How can she get over me like I'm nothing...I've never been so sure of what I want. I would sacrifice anything for a last chance. I can't get myself together. I just want my baby back.

New Day, Same Challenge

Today is just another day. As she continues to move away from us...I move closer to the pain. I've had another sleepless night as I think about the situation every second. I can't even salvage myself right now.

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This dude's got her wrapped around his finger...over me.

Love x Hate

When the pain is reciprocated back on me, I feel what she has gone through all those times I've mistreated her. & I only got a glimpse of it. These last few weeks have been the toughest, most painful weeks of my life. & the twist is, I brought this upon myself. I've admitted my faults. & I've never been more mature about this relationship I lost with her. I'm just always reminded of her with everything that I do or see. She's moved on to the next dude already. Its like, I used to lay in that bed. ME. I spent all this time with her. I loved her. & for her to just take me off the main priorities of her life just hurts me. I just wish I was given that chance. Instead of her trying to seek happiness elsewhere, why can't she just seek it with me. & when I see some shit where she's talking about HIM, & not ME. That gets my blood boiling. My whole body feels hot & my mind just goes blank. Then I'm angry & I don't know what to do about it. & she doesn't even sweat it. I feel most of my successes are based on my high hopes along with my ambition and determination. So I'm hoping...that I'll get that call. "Let's work this out, let's stick together." I know I have friends & shit. But I don't want to tire everyone with the same shit I have on my mind everytime we go out. & there's this girl who said she's my best friend but she's just completely forgotten about me & it sucks. Which is why I decided to publish this blog. & I don't want another woman to fill that void in my heart. If I can't have my woman. I'd just rather learn to be alone & on my own. They say time heals all wounds, they don't say how much time. I just want her to come back.

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God give me strength. Every day is hard.

Relativity

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009: You are tired of showing up with a positive attitude while still being told that you are the negative one. It feels as if others are projecting their fears onto you and you don't want to take it any longer. Regardless of who is in the right, you each need to take a step back from the situation today and allow the other person some breathing room. Once the dust settles, you can always choose to try for resolution again.

Just when I think I'm good...reality sets in. But I got this best friend. She's dope.

Woman

They come, they go. Almost impossible for me to accept, but in the end I must forfeit. But I don't try to forget the fact that one woman in particular has had a major impact on my life. I've wronged her; multiple times. I've taken for granted one of the three great ones. But cherish every moment, because in the end all you're gonna have is your recollection of memories. That's the only thing you're gonna leave this world with. Dudes, if you got a real woman; hold onto her. Because everyone has their limits. And I pushed her to her limit, to the point of no return. I FUCKED UP. But I'm going to take these last five years, soak it all in, and learn from it. I'm gonna pick up the pieces and salvage my heart. So personally I'd like to thank YOU. For being one of the biggest contributors on my steps to being a better person. I'll be good son. And if you ever need anything, I got you. We may not be together, but you are undeniably, my closest friend.

Horoscopes

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Sunday, September 13, 2009: It's a day of complicated relationship issues as you try to untangle your feelings from the pile. You know that you must set new boundaries, but you don't want to close yourself off from the potential that others bring at this time. Although you might not be overly effusive today, don't be afraid of telling others how you feel. You may be pleasantly surprised by what happens next.

Whoever orchestrated the horoscope was high...boom.

Cudi Cmon

Album artwork is ill. Although it has already been leaked I'm still gonna cop.

The Best Things In Life Are...FREE

Support good music. My man Gameboy is on the rise.